End of Days

I can't help but think that I'm approaching the end of my manhood. Although, this is not a bad thing, for it marks the beginning of something else. Fatherhood. Exciting and terrifying all at once.

I received word that Caitlin was being prepped for c -section around 3 o'clock. I was still at work, but Jon understood the importance of being with my wife at this critical time. Sometimes I hate being short staffed. The added sales are nice, but you wind up doing a lot more. For instance, I'm going to miss the Oscars, because I have to help with inventory. Massive suckitude, but there are only 4 people on staff right now, and everyone will be needed for inventory count.

At first, I was a little surprised at myself for thinking of the birth of my first child as a time of death. That's the thing. I don't view death as an end. It's merely a transition from one state of existence to another.

I still worry about what kind of parent I'll be. "Hey baby! Guess what! Your daddy is a psycho!" That's my number one worry, that I'll have another episode. Then there's the issue of being an adequate breadwinner for my family. Do your best, apply for everything, and get yourself known. Is it enough though?

Time will tell.

At the moment, I lie alone at home waiting for a call from Caitlin to let me know what and when things will happen. The operation won't be until the morning at the earliest, so I should get some sleep. I hope that Caitlin is okay by herself at the hospital. I would be there right now, but I was kicked out at 9pm, when visiting hours ended.

I don't know if I'll get to rehearsal tomorrow, but we'll play it by ear.